boulevard of broken dreams.(c)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawd
jkljlkjlkjljlkjjlthe world has gone mad

I feel like a complete idiot. I'm chatting via ICQ with a friend of mine, and we're considering getting together to get a little drunk so that one of us could get the guts to ask one boy out, and another one - to tell her ex she steel kinda needs him.

argh. I still think our idea is stupid. I know, it's an idea, I mean, I haven't thought of anything better.but it just doesn't feel right, you know? it's like I'm not being myself. I hope he'll come up to me during my graduation ball.

huh, I hope you don't think I got stolen by an UFO or something? I'm ok. In fact, I'm fine, I passed almost all of my exams, there's only one school exam left.

It's still kinda strange not to have to go to school every day. Well, I don't miss any of my classmates yet. Not that I loved them, quite the opposite,actually, but I thought that I would miss all those people and the atmosphere we create when we come together. And it still hard to believe that I won't have to look at all this numberless lists with logarithms and sines and cosines and functions. I love maths,actually,and we've had an awesome teacher, but, wow, is all of it really over?

Bought a sleeping-bag today. I'm so glad I won't have to be sleeping in something more similar to paper than to a blanket during this star trek Con, haha. I still have to find someone who'd share his or her tent with me.:)

Washed this lil' guy today. Man, he seems to be growing up so slowly. But when I look at the old pictures of him,only then I can realize just how much smaller he used to be.


>

aww I think I want to post some more pics of him. he's just so cute!!!:)
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The view was just beginning to clear when everything became blurred againg. Argh. That's life?

I still have no idea what I'm going to do with my future. Future... Very close and frightening future. Nearly a week ago my mom said dad could just wave his hand and I would have entered an institute and become a dispatcher one day.
dispatcher. Yup. No, I haven't lost my mind, or maybe I did, but you see, my dad works for a company full of dispatchers, and that institute kinda belongs to it, and yes, it'd be very simple for me to get in. And I'm very tired of thinking about the future, since I'd been planning to become a translater or to teach English one day, but it's not in demand nowadays, and much people tell that it'd be better to get some different education,like of an economist maybe, and only then to attend some English courses. Anyway, I'm not going to learn and becoma a dispatcher,never wanted to and never will.
I don't know. First I wanted to learn English just for myself, because,well,it was one of my dreams! I wanted to read books,watch films and talk in English without a vocabulary, but now that I keep being told that the education of a translater is not perspective and stuff, I don't know what to do. I just want all this to end, so I put off preparing for the exams, and it kinda needs to be fixed. God help me.


oops. I really,really didn't mean to write one else emo post *g*
I can brighten it with some pics though :)


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Born: October 16, 1854(1854-10-16)
Dublin, Ireland
Died: November 30, 1900 (aged 46)
Paris, France


♥

Sorry,ladies,for not updatind for that long. I decided to write a post to tell you that I'm not dead and a bit about my personal life. The summer was usual and most of its time I spent at home, there was just a short trip to Ukraine and 5 days of Russian Star Trek Convention. Oh,the Convention! It was so wonderful. Every day seemed like year back then and I couldn't couldn't talk to people I met because they all seemed too smart to talk to,and I felt uncomfortable. And there was a cute boy whom I fell in love with, and I never talked to him except for the last day when I accidentally met him and my goodness he was so close and somebody said to him, "Oh,you've got three sweaters on" and I looked at him and he looked so so so cute, so short but with a wise and beautiful face, and all I managed to do was to say "Oh,that's so cure" and then I ran away.HAHAHA. During this convention I shared a tent with a nice 22-old guy. To be honest, I thoght he's too nice to be interesting. He snored while sleeping and the only sound that could drown his snorting was one death metal(!) song in my player,but,haha,its battery isnt eternal and I hadn't taken anything to charge it XDD It was awful but now I remember the convention with a dreamy smile on my face, 'cause, you know, living in a forest is so romantic! It was sooo beautiful. Also there was a big field where I went to read alone, and the nature is juct so incredibly beautiful. To have a shower you had to boil much water and wait until the shower cabin is empty, and the waiting tooked so much time that I washed myself right in a river, MWAHAHAHA. It was a bit cold but i LOVE strong emotions and interesting experience. At the moment I go to school, It's my last year at school, and then I'll graduate (woohoo!). I go to courses in the institute that my parents have chosen for me. I'm going to learn English and then I'll become a translater, or an interpreter, I don't know yet. The institute I go to now doesn't offer any free education, and I have a dream to learn for free, but it looks like it's impossible for a person with language skills like my ones. My mom says that my will to learn for free is weird and that if I'll fail to get free education, my dad will be reminding me 'cout this for the rest of my life. Well. I dunno. I just wanted to get a free education to feel independent and to have some cash,but seems like I'm just being a really naive kid. It snows in Moscow now. It's so beautiful outside, everything is covered with snow, and though your feel get wet within 2 minutes after you leave your flat, I like it. I really missed you guys, and am hopefull you don't blame me for my disappearing. Now I want to post some pictures from the Star Trek Convention <3 Sorry I forgot where to find tag "MORE" as you see, we're playing something. The crew walked in the labyrinth, and one crew member tried to draw its way, and we weren't allowed to take our handes off of this white and red tape =) I hate it when people take pictures while sitting somewhere on grass. It makes me look fat. But I like the way my breasts look on this pic, hehe listening to someone's speech, I guess. :P

Have you ever practised reading outside? It's a nice thing. I feel so complete...

I'm having a lot of fun practising my new photoshop skills,haha. =P  
Now I already watched some of films that I never watched before. First,I watched Star Wars.Yeah,I really have never gave a watch the 3,4,5,6 episodes before,really.God,that scene where Obi-Wan nearly killed Anakin made me cry,how sad and heartbreaking that is,I'm still can't calm down about it!And now I can't stop reading SW fics,how expectable of me...
I visited my friend once again,remember that girl wich I was writing about? She seems to be recovering quickly.The day I visited her she started walking already, that's a huge progress. We had a walk along the coridor with her and her brother,that was sweet.
Now I'll be living home alone for a while, 'cause my parents are in kinda Eurotrip,and my sister shows up here rather seldom.I'm not complaining,why should I? Nobody argues,nobody leaves dirty plates saying that they we used by me,not her. I'm an owner here,MWAHAHA.XD
For some reason LJ doesn't work from on of my computers,mainly,on my own one. What a strange thing,that is!

Now I gotta go to read some boring smart books. "See" you later.:)

Well,everything is not that sad. Not that sad? Not that sad... At least her voice sounded cheerful. My ex-best friend has fallen from the second floor a week ago. She has damaged a backbone and now she's laying in a hospital, not abled even to make a turn to the left/to the right. Her mom's with her all the time.
I'm kinda glad that we,her friends,feel the same feelings about it all,we understand each other... Yesterday I had a phone talk with Dasha. She and Lera are planning to visit Pauline this Sunday,that means tomorrow. The most important thing is not to burst into tears right there... I know I can't go there,I'll just have a hysterics,really... So I'm not going... After all,she's got Lera and Dasha,and other best friends...And I,who am I to her now...I'm not one of them anymore,I've faced it much time ago...She doesn't need once else man crying right over her,I suppose. 
 
My three-month holidays have just started.I've got lotta books to have read by the end of them.
Now I'm sitting home,watching TNG,planning to watch all the films I've got here that I haven't watched yet.
And I've got to have an article written by 10 June. About not mine graduation.
I've taken some pics. Too bad they all are not bright or blurred,my camera is out of its mind.

upd.I've just woke up... Heard a phone call...And who it was?!?!Pauline! Finally,a call from her! I'm going,I'm going...:D

 my top favourite songs (the order doesn't make sense)

1.Sean Lennon - Intro The Sun, Parachute,Spectacle
2.R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts 
3.Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
4.Panic! at the disco - I write sins not tradegies
5.the strokes - you only live once
6.peaches - fuck the pain away
7.bob dylan - don't think twice,it's all right
8.the beatles - till there was you<3,rain,etc etc
9.david bowie - jump they say;john,i'm only dancing
10.Yoko Ono - I'm moving on; Yes,I'm a witch; Revelations 
11.franz ferdinand - you're the reason I'm leaving
12.faithless - God is the DJ
13.RHCP - tell me baby, snow(hey on)
14.Linkin Park - breaking the habit
15.kaiser chiefs - na na na na na
16.HIM - beyond redemption
17.green day - she's a rebel
18.the rolling stones - you can make it if you try; I'm a king bee;paint it black
19.the doors - the end
20.placebo - sleeping with ghosts, a song to say goodbye,infra-red <33

"You're too kind and vulnerable to be a journalist,the writing skill is not enough to decide to be a journalist!". that's what my sister says to me,and the most heartbreaking is that I know all of what she said complete truth. The more I learn about universities and  future possibilities,the less I know where to go. Everything has its big disadvantages,day after day I learn more and more disadvantages,so I'm a bit lost. My friend says it doesn't matter what education to chose,'cause after graduation 90% of people work in another profession. I don't know what to believe and what to think. I'm starting not to care at all.
I've just read ''The Virgin Suicides'' by Jeffrey Eugeneges. I think that's just what I wanted,me,with my silly teenage angst and moods a-la  'give me a paper and I'll write something like Yer Blues''. I want to watch the film now,I'm quite impressed. By the way, I read *modern books instead of reading what I'm asked to at school. Right now I should have read Dostoevsky's roman about Raskolnikov killing an old lady, but,eh,I don't feeling like reading it. I love Dostoevsky's style,I respect him very much, I'm not like those people who dare call Raskolnikov an idiot,or any of other book's characters. I'm not like that. Even if somebody says all those writers are damned idiots,who wrote all this shit we have to read,and all because of they didn't have TV at that time. But! I KNOW I am being made to read,and that's the pressure.
Yesterday I dyed my hair and I'm a brunette now. I'm very happy to have dark hair again. I always dreamed about this,but my mum didn't permit me to dye them black. So I dyed them practically blond before the last New Year. And yesterday,in 20 minutes,I became a brunette. Mmm I like it so very much. I've already received some compliments,even from boys.:) 

Uhh do you think I should have chosen a nickname 'Excuse my bad English'? (I miss you, queenpeladon)
It's all your own choise to read me,ladies,and I really respect it. I understand you may not like my bad grammar skills or the fact that I'm Russian. I'm not ashamed to be russian and to me myself, but I understand bad grammar may annoy.So go and unfriend me,until a fault destroies my paranoic head completely or until your nerves will not stand it. 
I'm okay. By the way today is the day when Eurovision will be shown.I'm for Koldun,the guy from Bellarus.

[Bad username: ]

Oh no! It's snowing again. I want my spring back!

Happy Easter everyone! Have a nice day. ;)

Hello! I think somebody can be curious,thinking about who is that reading  their journal.
Well, it's me. Maybe you've already understood that english is not my native language. Oh,what a pity... I sometimes feel very bad about that.
My name is Lena (Helen),I'm 16 and I'm from Moscow (Russia). Although I've been learning English for about 12 years already,I don't know it as well as I would like. My knowledge-level of Engligh is intermediate,I suppose, so I spend plenty of time writing down unknown words every time I read english beatles fics and other stuff. 
Er yes, I'm a beatles fan. I've been loving their music for quite a while.
I don't know why did I start this journal. I have basic blog in Russian,where I read russian people basically,so I've decided to make a new blog,where I could read english-speaking people,beatles fans and some communities. You'll ask me,why do I want to read foreign people's blogs,when there is a lot of russian beatles fans... Well,I'm just tired of my knowledge being so unused. I didn't plan to write into this blog... But then I thought,why not? Why don't I kinda introduse myself?
In my life I was a fan of Placebo for very long time,but now I'm only a Beatles fan. I wrote much fanfics about Brian Molko's life, but then I stopped... I tried to write something else,but... Plots just stopped coming into my head. And I still feel very bad about that. After becoming a beatles fan I tried to write something about them...But I wrote nothing.
These guys recorded so may tracks... So right know I think I'll never stop listening to them. My favourite beatle was always John,but I feel like I'm starting to love him and Paul equally. I feel,but I know I won't.
This spring Sean Lennon visited Moscow,and yes, I was there. It was great and all through the concert I was looking at Sean and only at him. So I came home and I was all like OMG I'm so in love with him. I adore his music and hope he'll visit our country again,...*sigh*
(you can see the pics from the concert here=> http://beatbird.livejournal.com/70318.html This guy managed to take the best pictures of Sean.He's a talented photographer!)

I don't think there's something else to say about me... hmmm,or maybe I do. In my future I want to become a journalist or a translater,or maybe a psychologist. But I have serious problems with biology at school,so I think all I have a chance to become is a journalist or a translater,hehehe.
Hope you had fun reading this grammatically fun entry...And hope my English isn't frightening awfull. =) 
All I can add to my words are my fotos. Fortunetelly some things don't need an explanation in any language..=)